1/ Once you have a baby, you are no longer interesting- your baby is. Unless your baby is crying in which case you are looked upon as the devil and your baby the devils spawn. Fact.
2/ Achieving one thing in the day outside of motherly duties is considered an accomplishment, no matter how small. Making the bed, showering, doing the laundry and cooking dinner are all awarded double credit.
3/ You will quickly learn to do things with one hand, even if it involves hot pans and a gas flame.
4/ Your house will live in a state of constant chaos. Not organized chaos like before, just complete and utter chaos.
5/ You will be grateful that you spent time cleaning like a crazy person as you waited an extra 15 (15!) days past your due date because you will never have time to scrub your pots or clean under the oven again.
6/ Your hairdryer will become a tool used to soothe your baby.
7/ Sleep is for the weak. Four hours are the new twelve.
8/ You no longer feel sympathetic for people who go out partying, have a hangover and miss a nights sleep. They will make up that lost nights sleep, you will not. Also, they had a fun night out and didn’t have to pay a babysitter.
9/ If you didn’t drink on a nightly basis before, you will now.
10/ You will find yourself singing nursery rhymes at all times of the day. It will drive you and everyone else nuts but you will find yourself unable to stop.
11/ You will still look pregnant after you have the baby-and your father will probably point it out to you.
12/ Forgetful will become your first name, not your middle name. Pregnancy brain is just a gentle practice session before you get tackled by the heavy weight linebacker known as baby brain. Emails will go unwritten, you will eternally be faced with a cup of hot tea gone cold and text messages will get half written before there is sick down your back or poo running down your leg because you forgot never to pick up a naked baby.
13/ Never pick up a naked baby, no matter how short the distance is to travel. They will pee or poo on you, guaranteed.
14/ Regardless of whether or not you risk picking up a naked baby you will be faced with poo running down your leg, a leak that leaves your own t-shirt wet and sick stains on your shoulder daily.
15/ If you are changing your babies clothes more than once a day the nappies are too small. You will curse yourself for buying a box of 276 in the smaller size because yesterday they seemed to fit just fine.
16/ Breastfeeding is not the magical tool for loosing weight. You will have the appetite of a marathon runner, even though you’ve forgotten where you keep your running shoes.
17/ Your phone will be used more to take pictures and video than to talk.
18/ Until they can speak you will start most sentences with “I think”, “maybe” and “I don’t know”.
19/ Paying someone else to do your laundry will no longer be a luxury but money well spent.
20/ I’ve forgotten what this point was.
21/ You will note how difficult it is to get around New York Cities subway system with a stroller.
22/ The best visitors are the one’s who bring food. And clean. And hold the baby.
23/ Don’t bother looking in the mirror until your baby is sleeping through the night or you will be horrified at what sleep deprivation can do.
24/ You will leave the house on more than one occasion with your fly undone, your shirt on backwards and inside out and nursing pads coming out of the top of your bra. And you probably won’t notice until you get home and your husband points it out.
25/ Imagining having twins is now your idea of a nightmare. You now regard parents of twins as supernatural beings.
26/ You will never truly understand how much your parents have done for you until you have a baby.
27/ You will know love deeper than you could ever imagine.